Romeo and Juliet: The Interference
by The Cinnamon Chaos
Summary: This is a retelling of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, except its fricken CRAZY! It's like everybody in the play got stoned or something. Plus it contains characters from Final Fantasy 7! YAY! Read please@!
1. Act One: Scene 1

Romeo and Juliet: The Interference  
  
BY: THE CINNAMON CHAOS  
aka. Jordan Terrafell  
  
(This story takes place in the fair city of Verona)  
  
ACT ONE: SCENE 1. (A street in Verona)  
  
(Cloud and Barret are walking down a street in Verona)  
  
Cloud: Humm de dum dum, It's a fine day for ruining the lives of two innocent children don't you  
think???  
  
Barret: What the @#$% are you talking about???  
  
Cloud: *shrugs*  
  
(Cloud bumps into Aeris, who is also walking down the street)  
  
Aeris: WTF?!? What's your problem bitch?!?!  
  
Barret: *points at Cloud and laughs* hahaha! *rolls around on the ground laughing*  
  
Aeris: *gasps* OMG! Are you of the house of Montague?!?!?  
  
Cloud: *gasps* OMG!!! Barret, are we?!?!?  
  
Barret: Yes we are servants– BWAHAHAHAHA!– of the house of Montague!  
  
Aeris: HOLY SHIT!!!!! *bites off her thumb and eats it*  
  
Cloud: ........................................ umm...... what was that for???  
  
Aeris: *scratches her head* I dunno..... I think that was supposed to go differently.....  
  
Barret: *runs around in circles* Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Suddenly twelve Capulet servants rally around Aeris as twelve Montague servants rally around  
Cloud)  
  
Aeris and Cloud: WTF?!?  
  
Capulet Servant: Lets scrap!  
  
Montague Servant: SCRAP!!!!!  
  
(The servants begin to duel for their houses honor. Aeris and Cloud just kinda watch. Barret ballets  
amidst the fighting people.)  
  
Aeris: Hey.....  
  
Cloud: Hey....  
  
Aeris: Are you a fag?  
  
Cloud: Are you a lesbian?  
  
(Pause)  
  
Aeris and Cloud: HELL YEAH!!!!!  
  
(Cloud and Aeris bump bottoms)  
  
Cloud: Let's become best friends and call each other every day!!!  
  
Aeris: *skips around in circles and sings* YAY!!!  
  
(The servants are all fist fighting. No one has died yet)  
  
Barret: *thoughtfully* I love butterflies.......  
  
(Suddenly the ground beneath the servants explodes in hellfire and kills them all. Tifa Lockheart  
emerges from the ground, surrounded in demon fire)  
  
Tifa: Tee Hee Hee!  
  
Cloud: WTF?!?!? I thought I killed you, bitch!  
  
Tifa: Hee Hee Hee!  
  
Aeris: Yeah I watched it!!!  
  
Tifa: Yee Hee Hee!  
  
Barret: I've got sunshine, on my shoulder, makes me happy!  
  
Tifa: ...............................  
  
Everyone in Verona: ....................................  
  
Cloud: Whatre YOU doing here Tifa?!?  
  
Tifa: Ta Ha Ha!!!!! *pauses* Umm...... I have no idea..... Toodles!  
  
(Exit Tifa)  
  
Cloud: That was interesting.......  
  
Aeris: *snores*  
  
Cloud: I KNOW!!!!! LETS GO HAVE TEA!!!!!!!!  
  
Aeris: *skips around in circles and sings* YAY!!!!!  
  
(Exit Aeris and Cloud)  
  
Barret: weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee................... What should I do???  
  
(Suddenly the aroma of fresh baked cookies fill the air)  
  
Barret: HOLY SHIT!!!!!! *jumps through a window*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
OK peeps I know that was F*ed up but ITS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!!!!!!!  
Hope SOMEONE liked it!!!!!  
I post more soon! Promise! Yay!  
Bye bye 


	2. Act One: Scene 2

Romeo and Juliet: The Interference  
  
BY THE CINNAMON CHAOS  
aka. Jordan Terrafell  
  
ACT ONE: SCENE 2. (A street in Verona)  
  
(Enter Capulet and Paris)  
  
Capulet: But Montague is bound as well as I. In penalty alike; and tis not hard, I think, For men as  
old as we to keep the peace.  
  
Paris: Okay I don't know what the hell you're talking about, can I just fuck your daughter Juliet?  
  
Capulet: Oh OK. *winks*  
  
(Enter Montague and Tifa)  
  
Tifa: If you do not let me tie Romeo to my bed and use him as my pleasure toy for the rest of his life  
then I will mutilate your fat ugly head and feed it to a pack of on-the-verge-of-prostitution  
cockroaches who are very new in town.  
  
Montague: This is an outrage! I will never let you have my son Romeo!  
  
Tifa: I'll give you a doughnut!  
  
Montague: YAY!!! *snatches doughnut* HE'S ALL YOURS!!!  
  
Tifa: YAY!!! *discos*  
  
(Capulet notices Montague, and Montague notices Capulet, and they stare at each other)  
  
Paris: How.....  
  
Tifa: .....odd  
  
(Capulet and Montague walk past each other very VERY very VERY very slowly.)  
  
Tifa: This is boring. *leaves*  
  
(Exit Tifa)  
  
(Suddenly a herd of fat women run down the street and tackle Paris. He is carried away by the  
overweight sluts.)  
  
(Exit Paris)  
  
(Suddenly a big fat woman shaped like a giant basketball comes bouncing down the street)  
  
Capulet and Montague: AHHHHH!!!! OH GODS!!!! *run away*  
  
(Exit Capulet and Montague)  
  
(Enter Romeo and Benvolio)  
  
Romeo: *cackles* Oiy! I just love that fat woman!  
  
Benvolio: Ya I know!  
  
Romeo: She's so fat!!!  
  
Benvolio: Ya I know!  
  
Romeo: And Funny!!!  
  
Benvolio: Ya I know!  
  
Romeo: Shut the fuck up Benvolio.  
  
Benvolio: Ya I know!  
  
(Long pause)  
  
Romeo: ...........................................  
  
(Longer Pause)  
  
Romeo: ......................................k  
  
Servant: *runs in* There is a party at the house of Capulet! All Montagues are NOT invited!  
Weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! *crashes into a stray cow and dies*  
  
Romeo and Benvolio: ................................k  
  
(Enter Yuffie)  
  
Yuffie: Oh my God! It's my dear Cousin Romeo! Heya Romeo! *slaps Romeo on the ass* oo!  
Tight! Yea yea yea! Guess who's back? Back again? Yuffie's back! Tell some men!  
Woooooooooooooooooooo HOOOOOOO!!!! Heya Benny boi.... ya got any Materia on ya???  
*winks* Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *flings herself into a wall*  
  
Benvolio: Oh God smite us all!  
  
God: ..............................k  
  
(Benvolio gets hit by a bolt of lightning and dies)  
  
Yuffie: Oh God that's such a cheap trick. *uses Pheonix Down on Benvolio*  
  
(Benvolio comes back to life)  
  
Benvolio: Hey that was pretty cool.  
  
Yuffie: oh I know... *blushes* SUPERSTAR!!!!  
  
Benvolio: .........................k  
  
Romeo: Yuffie what the hell are you doing here?!?!?!?  
  
Yuffie: BEATS THE HELL OUTTA ME!!!!!  
  
Romeo: *skips around in circles and hums* YAY!!!  
  
Yuffie: *skips around in circles and screams* YAY!!!  
  
Benvolio: *skips around in circles and falls on his ass* ......oww........  
  
Yuffie: Hey hey hey! Since we all Montagues, LETS GO TO THAT CAPULET PARTY THAT  
WE AINT SPOSED TO GO TO!!!!! YAY!!!! IT'LL BE FUN!!!!!!! *grins*  
  
Romeo: CHEERS!!!!  
  
Yuffie: YAY!!!!  
  
Benvolio: ......... Oww.........  
  
(Exit Yuffie, Romeo, and Benvolio)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ok, I know that was like completely stupid, but oh well!  
I HAD FUN!!!!!!! 


	3. Act One: Scene 3

Romeo and Juliet: The Interference  
  
BY: THE CINNAMON CHAOS  
aka. Jordan Terrafell  
  
ACT ONE: Scene 3. (A room in Capulet's house)  
  
(Enter Lady Capulet and Nurse)  
  
Lady Capulet: Nurse! Where's my Bourbon!?!  
  
(Nurse chucks a shot glass at Lady Capulet. Lady Capulet catches it in her mouth)  
  
Lady Capulet: Mmm Mmm! Good shit!!!  
  
Nurse: *sits on the floor* YAY!!!  
  
Lady Capulet: Where is my daughter?  
  
Nurse: ........................ *thinks* ............................ erm...... ah..... umm..... JULIET!!!!!  
  
(Juliet enters the scene by tumbling down the stairs and smashing her head at the bottom floor)  
  
Juliet: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! *BOOM!* ............................... oww  
  
Nurse: hahahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
.Lady Capulet: *snorts*  
  
Juliet: YOU BASTARDS!!!  
  
Lady Capulet: Ah shaddap! I gotta question!  
  
Nurse: *skips* YAY!!!  
  
Juiliet: ...................... k  
  
Lady Capulet: What stands your disposition to be married?  
  
(Juliet slugs Lady Capulet)  
  
Juliet: How the fuck dare you!!!! It is an honor I do not dream of.  
  
Lady Capulet: .................. k  
  
Nurse: I have a rooster!  
  
(Nurse pulls out a rooster and throws it on the ground)  
  
Juliet and Lady Capulet: ........................... k  
  
Nurse: I am so happy! My dear Juliet shall find a man to be wed!  
  
Juliet: Look lady, you've got some serious issues, along with some serious fat rolls. Go away.  
  
Nurse: ............................. k  
  
Lady Capulet: *hums*  
  
Nurse: Go girl! Find happy days and happy nights!  
  
(Exit Nurse)  
  
Juliet: *lights a cigarrette and takes a puff* What the hell is up with that???  
  
Lady Capulet: *snorts a handful of crack* Beats the hell outta me........  
  
Juliet: *hums*  
  
Lady Capulet: hahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHA! Ahem. Oh by the way, Count Paris wants your body.  
  
Juliet: Sweet!  
  
(Lady Capulet and Juliet both disco)  
  
Lady Capulet: My lord is throwin a sweet ass party tonight! Lets check out the guys!  
  
Juliet: Wee Hoo!  
  
Lady Capulet: Well OK then. I must go get ready!  
  
(Exit Lady Capulet)  
  
Juliet: eeeeee Hee Hee Hee Hee! No one will ever suspect my true motives! NURSE!!!  
  
(Enter Nurse)  
  
Nurse: Yes m'lady?  
  
Juliet: I DON'T KNOW  
  
(Juliet walks over to her chemistry set and begins to mix deadly chemicals together.)  
  
Juliet: Yay! This is fun! *mixes two VERY BAD bottles together*  
  
(There is a big explosion. The Nurse is thrown into a wall. Fire engulfs Juliet's face.)  
  
Nurse: DEAR GODS!  
  
Juliet: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! This is fun! *skips around in circles and shakes her ass*  
  
Nurse: I have a wagon wheel! *throws a wagon wheel on the ground*  
  
(Juliet trips over the wagon wheel and smashes her face into the ground.)  
  
Nurse: Yay!  
  
Juliet: YAY!!!  
  
Nurse: *hums*  
  
Juliet: *gasps* It's time for the party! I gotta move my sweet ass!  
  
(Juliet walks out of the room, and the Nurse rolls behind her.)  
  
(Exit Juliet and Nurse)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
YAY!!! Im happy!  
I finished Scene 3!  
Woooooooooooooo HOOOO! 


	4. Act One: Scene 4

Romeo and Juliet: The Intereference  
  
BY: THE CINNAMON CHAOS  
aka. Jordan Terrafell  
  
ACT ONE: Scene 4. (A street in Verona)  
  
(Enter Romeo, Benvolio, Yuffie, and Mercutio. Everyone skips)  
  
Yuffie: Tra la la  
  
Mercutio: Blah blah blah  
  
Romeo: Fa fa fa  
  
Benvolio: *belches*  
  
Everyone: *cheers*  
  
Yuffie: *sings* O we're on our way to a party!  
  
Other three: YAY!!  
  
Yuffie: Things could get just a bit tarty!  
  
Other three: YAY!!  
  
Yuffie: I may just end up with a cute guy!  
  
Other three: YAY!!  
  
Yuffie: Using my teeth to unzip his fly!  
  
Only Benvolio: YAY!!  
  
(Everyone looks at Benvolio.)  
  
Benvolio: What?!?!?  
  
Yuffie: ..................... k  
  
Romeo: Hey Mercutio who the hell are you anyways?  
  
Mercutio: Beats the hell outta me!  
  
Romeo: Kay.  
Benvolio: So um......... why is it that we're coming here?  
  
Romeo: There's this hot bitch named Rosaline. God do I wanna get down her pants. *humps the air*  
  
Yuffie: Kinky! Can I watch?  
  
Benvolio: Screw watching! Can I join?!  
  
Mercutio: I want some good bisexual sex!  
  
(Everyone puts their hands together like the Scooby Doo people)  
  
Everyone: YAY!!!  
  
Yuffie: *sigh* ah....... Sex is fun........  
  
Romeo: *sighs* yeah.........  
  
Mercutio: QUEEN MAB!!!!!! SHE RIDES ON A LOUSE AND IS MADE OF EGG NOG AND  
EATS SOUR CUCUMBERS WHILE DANCING ON MY HEAD!!!!!!! WEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Romeo, Benvolio, and Yuffie: ................... k  
  
(They arrive at the Capulet house, where the party is being held)  
  
Yuffie: Come on you bitch's we're gonna be late!  
  
(Exit Yuffie, Benvolio, and Mercutio.)  
  
Romeo: No... I fear we are too early..... for something in the stars...... hath foreseen a dim..... Oh  
what the hell.  
  
(Exit Romeo)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!  
I'm almost done with Act One! I'm so proud! I love myself! Weeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! 


End file.
